Professionalism.

A few weeks back, my office phone rang. It's one of my client's assistant.
Her name is Stupid Bitch.

This is Caroline. I picked up the phone. Hi Caroline, this is Stupid Bitch. Caroline… How long have you been working? She asked.
Huh? Uhm. Awhile. I answered.

Well, I don't think you are very professional. I was re-reading your email and I feel very offended by your sentence, 'All ads must be approved by end of today or they will run as is.' You should give your client breathing room. She continued.

I am sorry, I didn't mean to be offensive. I am just trying to meet my deadline. I replied. And I have given you three weeks of breathing room, bitch, and you have not been responsive. I wished to finish.

And I think you're lazy. Stupid Bitch said again.

WT*%^@F?

You don't seem to want to do your job. We wanted you to photoshop the jacket, but you don't seem to want to do it.

I did photoshop the jacket as much as I can. But I still want to ensure the photo looking natural. And I can't really photoshop the jacket closed and buttoned up. He wore it unbuttoned during the photo shoot.

Well, I think you're not very professional.

CLICK.

OMFG. What just happened?

Two hours passed and my art director came to my table. Guess who called? Lisa said. I pondered if I really wanted to know. Who. I asked nevertheless. Crazy Dentist. She replied. Guess what we talked about. She asked again, with a smirk this time. Ugh. I really didn't want to know. What. I asked in spite of everything

He didn't know it's going to be a full body shot. She explained. Or else… She hung her sentence. Or else he would have brought socks to stuff his package. You know… his package.

WHAT?!?!??! WHAT?!?!?!??! WHAT?!?!??!?!?

He's really concerned about how his crotch looks. He asked me if his crotch looks fine. He wanted us to photoshop his crotch.

WHAT?!?!??!?!

And this is coming from somebody whose assistant had called me and gone on and on a diatribe about my unprofessionalism. OMFG.


Epilogue The dentist didn't even have a nice set of teeth. They were a little too crooked for a dentist. And now, they're also kinda yellow in our magazine (wink). I still had to photoshop his crotch. But I also distorted him 15 percent horizontally.