Lonely.

Loneliness always sneaks up on me. It's very stealthy. I would be fine and happy bbqing with my friends and Ryan, and three hours later, I would be feeling melancholic and lonely and awful. Okay, maybe I am not being very honest. Loneliness is not as stealthy as I give it credit for. My mind has usually ventured to some unchartered territories which I can't really tell anybody, not even Ryan... Is that bad?

There are moments where I feel empty, so empty that it engulfs me. Am I doing enough? Enough of what? Has is been meaningful? What has been meaningful? And why am I feeling all these? What's going on? Argh.

Is my mood swing clinical? Is it normal? Do I need to see somebody? I don't like the idea of seeing a shrink. I miss my family. I miss them so much.